As Molly (dressed up as her stuffed animal monkey) and Emma (dressed up as a fairy) rang the doorbell of a neighbor after traipsing across the lawn along with three of their friends, and I (with a painted on 3rd eye upon the generous canvas of my forehead) looked on, it hit me: Halloween is strange.
I mean, it was an admittedly incredible night. A bunch of kids, happy as can be. A mild evening (amazing in itself that we have had GREAT weather for Halloween as many years as the girls have been walking door to door). And we even had Bubbe and Papa to stay behind at our house so both Lee Ann and I could enjoy the trick or treating.
But maybe it was my 3rd eye that made me see it so clearly this time around: Halloween is nuts. If there had never been the tradition of it that makes it seem so natural, then anyone who would dare suggest it would be thrown in prison.
What if I, in a “no prior Halloween” parallel universe, tried to convince Lee Ann to let Molly and Emma go trick or treating?
Me: Hey, Lee, I have an idea. On October 31st let’s wait until it’s dark out and have the girls go ring on the neighbors’ doorbells and get candy.
Lee Ann: What?!? No way, that would be embarrassing for us.
Me: Well, the neighbors wouldn’t really know it’s them because they’ll be wearing disguises.
Lee Ann: Oh, that makes me feel better. At least the neighbors won’t know it’s our kids begging for sugar.
Me: Well, the neighbors would be in on it. They would keep their outdoor light on so we would see which houses to approach.
Lee Ann: So we would know whose house to go to, like the way God knew whose first born sons to kill by the sheep’s blood on the doors in Egypt.
Me: Right. Wait, no. The neighbors will want us there. The kids will say “Trick or Treat” and be given a candy bar or something.
Lee Ann: So the girls will deliver a subtle threat? Give me candy or we’ll play a trick on you. Great. That’s a good life lesson.
Me: It’s not like they’ll be the only ones. They’ll be lots of kids dressed up as ghosts, witches, devils, and Octamom.
Lee Ann: This is sounding better and better all the time.
I’m guessing anyone who tried to organize the Halloween movement from scratch would be given 20 years in prison. Minimum.
